I have finally been hit with that age-old question of whether or not it is best for your children if you are a stay at home mum.
Coming up to the end of my second week of revision and due to the fact that i broke my Oyster card I have been mainly revising from home or in local cafes/libraries, whilst I wait for a replacement (travel without a student Oyster card is far too expensive).
I probably would have got on better had I been going into college everyday, the working atmosphere may have been more of a driver for studying hard than being surrounded by my children, a flat that needs cleaning and countless other distractions!
The trouble is, being at home more has made my son really clingy. I have been able to take him into nursery most mornings and have been around quite a few days when he comes home at lunch time. The more I have been here the harder it has been to leave him at nursery or even just at home with his dad.
My rational head tells me that it is because of the change in his routine- he is used to Daddy taking him to and from nursery and playing with him all afternoon and then Mummy comes home for dinner and Mummy always spends Saturdays with him.
Now, i’m sometimes here, sometimes not, turn up at school to watch his nativity and then leave to do some work, he doesn’t have a regular timetable for my movements at the moment and for a 3 year old, that can be anxiety provoking.
So, leaving him at nursery screaming with tears rolling down his little cheeks as he struggled through sobs to say “i’m going to miss you so much Mummy” is something I haven’t been used to and wasn’t prepared for.
I never had this with my eldest child, but then I was a stay-at-home mum to her for the first 8 years of her life and when she started nursery aged 3 it was a few hours of escapism for us both!
My irrational side is making me feel guilty and telling me that I should be staying at home with my son until he is 8 too and is questioning everything I am doing and working towards.
Deep down, I know that this will pass and I know that my children are very secure and happy but…… WOW, talk about emotional rollercoaster – and yeah, did I mention I have to revise for an exam on January 3rd?!?!